By Jeff Huebner, Head Volleyball Coach, Palm Beach Atlantic University

Related links:
Bemidji State mourns loss of volleyball head coach Kevin Ulmer
Kevin Ulmer Celebration of Life

Kevin Ulmer loved people through volleyball. He passed away last week surrounded by family and friends who love him, and whose lives he has touched forever. He is survived by his wife and their 3 girls, who are ages 12, 11 and 8; countless alumni and colleagues. I wanted to tell his story because he would never want that. With all of the challenges of being a coach, Kevin was a walking reminder to embrace the opportunity we have. He told me often that he had the best job in the world. I remember him telling me after 2018 that he still was trying to understand how “we get paid to help people everyday. What an incredible opportunity.” This was after his team finished 7-22. We all need someone like Kevin to remind us of the incredible calling that is coaching, and how large our influence and responsibility can be.

For the past 3 years Kevin has battled with Cancer every day. In December of 2021, at the age of 37, he was diagnosed with myeloma (a type of Blood Cancer). Within days of his diagnosis, he had his T1-T7 vertebra fused together, part of his rib removed, and began radiation. A few months later, more tumors were found, and he learned that there is no cure for this disease, only treatment. From March 2022 until the week before he passed, Kevin endured every type of treatment: Chemotherapy, Radiation, Transplants, Stem Cell Recovery, carT infusion, skin and bone grafts, tumor removals and more.

An excerpt from an update from Kevin after spending a month in the hospital read, “Farewell summer and farewell Bemidji, until we meet again. As another month long treatment lingers in the future I can’t help but think back on the two years this has all been going on. It’s been quite a storm at times: gloomy clouds, lightning and thunder, but even during those times I’ve had so much support and people to hold my umbrella . I’m thankful every day for that support and love! Especially from Kate and the girls, they remind me not to take things so seriously, especially when they joke about my hair or all the scars.”

He spent 9 seasons at Bemidji State University (D2, Northern Sun), 4 seasons at Bethel College (NAIA, KCAC), 2 seasons at Georgetown College (NAIA, Mid-South), after spending 6 years in the HS and Club spaces. He has one of the first Graduate Thesis-Level papers on Volleyball in the US (swing blocking, University of Kentucky, 2011), published by the AVCA, which has objectively changed volleyball forever.

Kevin has been one of my closest friends in coaching for the past 15 years. We grew up in the same area, played for some of the same coaches, always make time for one another when we can. As a coach, we have our blood-relatives and our chosen family – our teams. I wanted to share with you what he has shared about life with me and what I have learned from him, as we all continue in this coaching journey of faithfulness, excellence and growth.

When Kevin and I spoke, he never wanted to talk about him. For those of you who you know him, you know that when I ask him how his family is he tells me, “Kate is amazing, she’s so strong and I’m undeserving of her. The girls are incredible. They get it from their mother.” It’s almost so memorized it I don’t ask; but I always love being encouraged about marriage, so I always ask. He always pivots to you all. He spoke about his assistant coaches, doing the “hardest job in the world”, he talked about how resilient and loving his team is. He spoke about how he wants to win big matches because he wanted his program to have “that feeling.” He always wanted to add lift into people and spoke often about how his players were more talented than they knew, more competitive than they believe, and how he loves how humble and committed they are (a quality I like to remind him is a direct reflection of him, though he throws that compliment away).

The last 2 messages I got from him was September 1 after I reached out to see how he was doing. He of course said, “We’ve had 3 scrimmages which have challenged us in good ways, heading to Hawaii on Tuesday. How are you, how’s your family? Also, I was wondering if you could send us film on our 2nd weekend opponents?” We chatted a little, then he followed up with me on 9/10 to thank me for sharing the film, and how he appreciates that because it’s something he still feels like he can do for the program.

Our world is tough; whether you’re in your freshman year, or in your 50th year coaching. There is nothing easy about supporting someone; there is nothing rewarding about being in this phase of life with a person who is battling with a terminal disease with one exception: you get to know that person during a time when they have clarity and bravery that we can’t fully understand because we aren’t having to come face-to-face with our own mortality every day.

Most of the time, people who have this clarity are old. To be able to see it in someone young is both sad and incredible. Desperate and hopeful.

I wanted to leave everyone with a list of things that I wrote down after conversations with Kevin, that I don’t think he knows that I have. One of the “benefits” of talking with someone who is in the process of a fight of a lifetime is wisdom.

“Think of how your words will have an eternal influence when you approach that conversation”

• I always am reminded that you can ask forgiveness but you can’t have someone unhear something.
• Kevin was always able to construct his feedback in a way that made me want to improve.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about that and tracking some information related to it”

• I was always struck by his discipline as a thinker. He was always open-minded, fact-based, and independent. He was bold in a way that made you feel confident, but he was never blinded by his own ego. I think I will miss this characteristic about him the most in my life. I loved calling him with an idea and him saying, “let’s think all the way through it.”

“Competition is grit, and being a daily Christian only positively impacts grit”

• Kevin’s faith was obviously fierce, and he and I spent a lot of our time talking about how to use our positions as believers to encourage believed to fully compete. Sometimes it feels like it is a challenge to be a faithful person and attempt to be better than someone else at a sport; but those things are not in contest with one another. They are sharpening, refining, growth-oriented and biblical.

“You have to love your family first, and your team will feel loved by seeing how you love as a father.”

• It took me a decade to even begin to understand how this mattered. Honestly, I just wanted to be the best coach in the country. I wanted them to feel loved because of the work I was doing for them. Kevin’s ability to make those around him smile and enjoy the company of others was real, genuine and came from a place of authenticity. It changed my life.

“The most important thing you can be for people is available.”

• Kevin has made availability in the face of adversity something that I believe we can all agree is a skillset and a decision he made. It was the most remarkable thing to me, and in this incredibly busy season, he would have taken a call from every single person reading this without hesitation.
• He is ELITE.

If you could do the world a favor: Tell Kevin’s story. He would never tell it himself, but the world needs to hear from people like his. We need to hear about people like his. We need leadership like his. We need selflessness like his. We need testimony like his.

He took the great gift of love, faithfulness and intellect and he poured it into every people he every met. He was a world changer.

With Respect and love,

Jeff Huebner
Head Volleyball Coach
Palm Beach Atlantic University

Isaiah 65: 17-25
Revelation 21: 1-7
Galatians 6:9

 

Quotes from former players and colleagues:

Kevin was so passionate about the sport of volleyball and making sure our conference was represented at the high level. He was such an advocate of our coaching group and was a go getter for our league. I truly enjoyed getting to know him better over the last few years and created a good relationship. I have appreciated how he has carried himself and his program. They always played hard for him and were super respectful & quality kids. That clearly came from the top. He is a gem. I will miss him and our coaching group will miss him. We play to continue to honor him and hope to continue to see his lovely family when we visit Bemidji. Sending love to you and your girls.
Tyler Boddy – SMSU Head Coach

Coach left a bigger impact on my life than he’ll know. Not only on the volleyball court but outside the court. He taught me how to build genuine lasting relationships and taught me how to be strong during the tough times. He truly cared for his players like no other, he never forgot important moments in your life and always checked in on you during the hard times. He truly was one of the most caring people I have ever met. His dad jokes, history lessons, and simply his presence in the gym will be missed tremendously.
Emily Wade – Former Player

Although my time at the school was short, the positive impact of Kevin has lasted through all of the following years. He made everyone around him better. He pushed me to be a quality teammate, friend, and human, and encouraged me to find a home church and family while mine was 9 hours away. He even supported me after I moved schools and just a few months ago he shared with me again that he was still proud of me. He was always thinking about and genuinely cared for others.
Great Paszek – Former Player

Coach was the only one to take a chance on me and allow me to play college volleyball after I blew out my knee. I often thanked him for that, and he would tell me “No, it wasn’t a chance. We knew what you could do.” His fight over the last 3 years has been so unbelievably inspiring, and he attacked it courageously with determination and faith throughout the whole thing. The way he was able to come into the gym and be there for us while he was fighting his own battle is truly remarkable and selfless. Joking around with coach was the best, and he was full of witty comments and sarcasm that had all of us giggling each day. I remember the first time I met him on my visit, he immediately made fun of me for wearing a flannel up to Bemidji because it was so stereotypical and he thought it was hilarious. I will forever be grateful that Kevin was my coach for a couple years and that I got to know the amazing person that he was.
Hally Holker – Former Player

Coach Ulmer has had a tremendous impact on my life and I am very grateful to have had the opportunity to know him. Many times, he shared genuine advice to me and fellow teammates about how to live life to the fullest and set an expectation for yourself in terms of a career, partner, family, and most importantly faith. He believed in me from the first day I committed and I always left our conversations about the game feeling confident and reassured that I was or was going to do a great job as a player, teammate, and leader. He made it very clear that he believed in my future and was there to support me at my home away from home. Being here at Bemidji has been the greatest four years of my life and I owe it to Coach for bringing me to my best friends and a path that is setting me up for a very successful future. In his actions and words he set a very strong example for all of us girls on prioritizing faith and family. I admire him so much for his perseverance through this journey to continue doing what he loves and not let it stop him from living his fullest life.
Ashley Crowl – Former Player

You made our trip to Bemidji so special.  You were so inviting and made Kayla feel so comfortable with her visit and with the team. Even though Kayla decided to go to Green Bay, Kevin kept in touch with us and continued to cheer Kayla on all through her career. He would often message me and say how he had seen how well Kayla did in this game or that game. He would ask how school was going for her and what she planned on doing after school. He even asked me how our puppies were doing because we had delivered a couple puppies to their new owners in Minneapolis on our way to our Bemidji visit. I couldn’t believe he remembered that. He was truly an amazing human being. My guess is that most coaches kind of forget about players after they decide not to join their team. Not Kevin, he continued to keep in touch throughout her whole career. My heart breaks for him and his family. I pray for their healing and may all these memories give them some kind of peace. May Kevin now rest in peace.
Dawn Lass – Parent of a Former Recruit

I’m not sure I could pick only one favorite memory with coach because they were all so good. But if I had to pick a top three it would be these. It was my sophomore year after a game and Kevin came to the back of the bus and sat and chatted with us. We talked about all sorts of things, but I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard in my life when he told us about the story of his mom calling him, Kevy baby as a kid. Another favorite memory of mine is that he used to send me Christian music. This one day, it’s like he knew I was really needing a pick me up because he sent me the song GOOD DAY by Forrest Frank and it made my whole week. My last favorite memory with Kevin was when we went to Dunkin’ Donuts and had coffee together to catch before I graduated. We talked about life, God, volleyball, donuts, etc. I think that’s what I’m gonna miss most about Kevin. He was a great coach to me, but an even better mentor and friend.
Lauren Justesen – Former Player

Ah, so many laughs and memories. Kevin was such a fierce competitor but also had the most gentle soul. I loved watching and seeing him get excited for volleyball but then as soon as he got off the court, it’s almost like he was someone else, but in a good way. How can someone have so much spunk yet be the kindest, most patient, and gentle spirit. THAT is what I often admired because most of the time, I’m all spunk. And when I played volleyball for Coach, we both knew we had that in common. A love for the game, and a fire to win. And sometimes we butt heads, but I had a deep respect for him. Although I only played for him for a year, I desire to be that same way, have spunk, but have the gentle, patient, kind spirit that he naturally had. Because that has a deep impact. Grateful that the Lord brought Kevin to Bethel and that I had the opportunity to play for him and get to know him.
Lindsey Bowerman – Former Player

When I think of Kevin, I truly think of a resilient, God-fearing, servant of the Lord. He was one of the most spiritual and faithful men that I’ve ever met. I remember going to church in Bemidji my freshman year (before Kevin started coaching there) and feeling like I regretted not going to a Christian university. I was going to church alone, and felt isolated and that I was going to end up far away from God during my time at college. I continued to go to church the following year, and once Kevin and his family moved to Bemidji, I realized they went to the same church as me! Although we didn’t necessarily sit together, I instantly felt like there was someone I could say hi to and chit chat with on Sunday mornings. As Kevin and I got to know each other more and started to have weekly check-ins, I remember we would occasionally talk about the sermon from Sunday morning, share scripture, or pray for things that were happening in my life. He was a huge pillar for my faith during my time in Bemidji, and I’m not sure if he ever knew how much all of that had impacted me. I wish I would have thanked him more for what he did for me and my relationship with God. I know Kevin had a similar impact on many of my teammates, and I quickly started to feel like I had people in my corner, and that I was surrounded by coaches and teammates that cared about me on a deep level and had similar beliefs as me. I also felt like I had a lot of women in my life who loved the Lord, but not so many men that I could look up to. I remember thinking it was so cool to see Kevin worship, pray, and talk openly about his faith. He was a really big role model for my boyfriend (now husband) in college as well. My husband felt like he could be more open about his relationship with Jesus because of the example set by Kevin. I’m thankful that I got to know Kevin, and I feel blessed that my favorite memories with him revolve around our one-on-one meetings where we wouldn’t just talk volleyball or school, but about things far more valuable.
Jess Tikkanen (Reega) – Former Player

Coach is one of those people that cares so much about his family, friends and his players. In 2021 we were starting spring season and everyone was so excited to play volleyball again.  I remember playing a simple 6 on 6 drill and while I was shuffling back to base I felt a pop in my knee and I collapsed. I couldn’t bend my leg or walk. Coach immediately stopped the drill and came over to me. He was such a caring and hardworking coach, so he was someone I never wanted to disappoint. He came with me to my MRI appointment and was such a huge support system when I realized I would miss my entire senior year. I was recovering at home in Rosemount, MN, 4 hours from Bemidji. It was just 4 days after surgery, and I heard a knock at the door. I was still pretty sad at this point and all of a sudden coach and Morgan came into my living room and surprised me. He always knew how to boost everyone’s spirits and always put others before himself. It was such an important moment for me because at that time I felt like I had disappointed him, but he never brought up volleyball once. We only talked about faith and my health and how we can make this situation into a good one. He was always so positive and lived an inspiring faith centered life. I will forever be thankful for him and all the small moments that impacted me so greatly.
Maddie Mackinac – Former Player

Kevin was one of the first NSIC coaches I got to know when I started as the head coach at MN-Crookston, and we had so many great memories over the years. I always enjoyed coaching against each other in our rivalry games, playing in spring games and scrimmages, and talking all things volleyball. I could bank on Monday morning seeing Kevin’s name pop up on my phone as he called to chat through the previous weekend’s games, ask how our bus driver and officials were, and he always had some great comment or funny line that started my week off right. He was so welcoming, helpful, and generous with his time. I learned a lot from Kevin in my early years as a head coach and learned even more from him in life. He was a fighter and a softie at the same time, fighting to make the world better and also so caring about his family, players, and friends. He taught me to be passionate and compassionate, and I will forever treasure our friendship.
Sarah Morgan (Rauen) – MN-Crookston Head VB Coach 2017-2021

Kevin and I didn’t talk often, but I always enjoyed our conversations. He shared his experiences with his team and we talked about commonalities with our programs which was always enjoyable. On one trip to Mankato with his team he shared that he actually applied to the MSU head coaching position long before I was here. Learning about his past and what motivated him was something I could relate to. We often recruited some of the same athletes and shared some good ribbing when the other got a recruit we were hoping to see on our own roster.

Every interaction with Kevin left me thinking about how genuine he was. I always knew where he stood and truly appreciated his honesty and candid approach to every conversation, which is why he is one I would ask about questions I had about conference topics.  From his honesty and transparency to his palpable passion for coaching, to his witty humor, he is someone who clearly has made a lasting impact on so many in our sport.  I’m grateful for the time I knew him.
Corey Phelps – HC MSU-Mankato